Every once and a while I'll take a peek at Google to get a sense for how we're all profiled for those fantastic textual ads. Their new Ad Preferences dashboard takes out a lot of the guess work and lets you peek under to bonnet in a limited sense.

My Interests (according to the big G):

• Business & Industrial
• Computers & Electronics - Computer Hardware - Laptops & Notebooks - Tablet PCs
• Computers & Electronics - Computer Security
• Computers & Electronics - Networking
• Finance
• Games - Computer & Video Games
• Internet & Telecom - Web Apps & Online Tools
• Internet & Telecom - Web Services - Web Design & Development

Very true, these are all interests, albeit some more than others! And it seems I don't fit any demographic (YAY?). I'm not sure how to feel, and when asked, Google suggested I watch LeAnn Rimes videos. I know how I feel about that

Check out how you're profiled by visiting your Google Ad Preferences dashboard.

Two & a half men with many gallons of alcohol & some free time! Something very terrible* was bound to happen...

With Christmas now past, it seems safe enough to push this Halloween focused video out! The product of a crazy booze filled night and the daft concept of a 'What if?' featuring "I am Legend's" Robert Neville as a strung out student fearing landlord with nothing to lose. Or something. We'd been drinking...

They mostly come out at night. Mostly...

Despite having to hand the same hardware used in the production of modern TV, we decided to shoot and cut exclusively on iOS. Yep, we'd been drinking alright! An iPhone4 held at point blank for the blistering close up video, and iMovie/ 8mm HD / ReelDirector on an iPad for simple colour correction, filters and editing.

Fun!

*No children were created in the making of this short.

Rain is running down my visor, adding to the condensation, low fog and growing frustration. Visibility sucks. Objects past 20 meters are blurred shapes, everything after that is lost in an amorphous empty grey punctuated by hints of tree trunks. Goddamn fog of war!

Strapped to my right thigh is a colt .45, a single spare magazine accompanies it. It's an accurate 100 year old pistol, but its effective range is short. It supplements a more capable tool. In my hands lies a H&K G-36k; a sleek, black, folding stock carbine assault rifle. 4 magazines accompany it; a whole lotta rounds! In this situation, every measure of combat persistence can only pay off, can't it?

If you go out in the woods today

We're skirmishing. Two teams of two. One poised on defense, the other solely on attack. Their goal is to take our position. To achieve their aim my team needs to be dead. Or stricken during respawn. Our goal is to prevent their goal. Cover and our weapons will assist, but time and its resulting excessive ammunition expenditure are immediate concerns. But the rules of engagement mean choice and broad initiative are against me. At least on paper.

The opposing force begins to move towards me. Tony wields a P-90, a short ergonomic submachine gun with a quick reflex sight. A relatively inaccurate weapon whose shortcomings are compensated by a large magazine and ease of reload. If used correctly it would be a suitable base of fire weapon, especially with the current environmental factors.

Paul accompanies Tony. He brandishes the finest weapons in this battle space. Tucked away ready for use is a massive Desert Eagle handgun, a device whose accuracy and range give rifles a run for their money. Cradled to his chest is a short barrel M-4 rifle, a carbine capable of accurately firing a massive 900rnds a minute, under which is slung a 40mm grenade launcher.

You're sure of a big surprise

But I'm not alone! To my right, out of sight, is Pete. He's armed with another G-36k with a SIG 226 pistol as auxiliary. He's literally knee deep in cover, a wet moss covered hand-laid stone wall conceals him, a timeless remnant of some long forgotten turf feud. Our plan is straightforward; let the aggressors get within arms length of their goal while I draw fire, then Pete can engage them well off their engagement axis. This should result in easy kills!

But no plan survives first contact. The expected bounding/overwatch advance never materialised, the attackers instead choosing to attempt a sweeping pincer movement. Paul advances vertically, slugging uphill straight towards the objective, hugging the mosey wall to his left. Tony takes a wide arch to his right, bouncing from tree to tree. I struggle to follow their advance through my obfuscated goggles; they're mere shapes augmenting the shadows of trees. It's hard not to I bounce my gun sights from target to target counting down the seconds before they enter my engagement radius. I estimate they're close enough when Tony fires...

Pellets bounce off the tree trunk in front of me as I draw a bead on Paul. He's behind cover but partially exposed, but a shoulder is more than enough, and I pull the trigger. My gun barks and Paul's shape disappears. Tony's burst has finished as I angle sights on him. My trigger finger relaxes after a second's burst. But something is wrong. The noise the gun makes on firing just isn't right...

I swap magazine and issue a long burst. Heads go down and a short reciprocal burst is flung my way, but the sense of unease about my weapon grows. I slide in a third magazine, aim for the tree a meter away and pull the trigger. Nothing. I've a gun that won't shoot!

Paul & Tony have pulled back to reload their weapons as I try to share this new piece of information with my team mate. A whisper: "Pete...". Nothing. Louder... "PETE!". Nada. Good move on his behalf; he's not supposed to break cover for anything. Bad news for the team--this is something he needs to know. I can retreat and loop around the wall, but odds are that'll expose him and foil our gambit. No... I'll hold tight. I pull my .45 from my holster and chamber a round. Like everything else, it's cold and wet. My pistol hates the cold. This just keeps getting worse and worse...

You better go in disguise

Paul and Tony break cover and start to advance. I hold fire until they're close enough to reach out and touch. If only my rifle worked! I wait briefly, then pull the trigger regardless. Heads go down and some pellets spray back my way. I'm largely impotent, but still considered a deterrent. Good! If I can keep them worried we can hold this position longer. I fire off a long 'burst', heads stay down. Better! But the plan requires they 'overrun' us. I sling the rifle and draw my pistol and send a double tap in Tony's direction. With luck they will take this gesture as an indication of weakness; empty magazines, a poor firing position, a lack of testicular fortitude; doesn't matter. All I want is for them to smell blood and rush for the kill. And they do! Both aggressors take the bait and advance. Time to move!

I break cover and peg towards a break in the mosey wall, counting down from an arbitrary 8 seconds. I hear weapon reports behind me. Four... three... pellets are striking the tree in front of me... two ... fuckit, "NOOOOWWWWW!"

Pete 'goes loud'. I've no idea where he was directing the gunfire but everyone drops back into cover. I round a corner and drop in beside him as he swaps an empty for a full magazine. "I've a problem...!". Pete's 'Da-fuck' facial expression is the perfect response. We begin the process of swapping magazines for a pistol when Paul makes his presence felt. I draw my .45 and work my way down and to my right towards him as Pete gets some trigger time towards an unseen target.

For every bear that ever there was

Pellets ding off the mosey wall in front of me as I edge down towards Paul. I check the slide-safety on my pistol and note it's cold and wet. Not good. Doubts grow as to whether it'll even fire. Time to find out. I bob my head up and see Paul perched by a tree about twelve meters away. I attempt to put a bead on target when he fires his '203 at me...

In airsoft an M-203 grenade launcher behaves just like a real-steel shotgun. On firing Paul has sent 64 BBs in a massive spread towards me at speed. Somehow he misses, his barrage sailing over me. But damn that was impressive! I attempt to engage but he's obscured by a massive cloud of smoke. I keep low; he still has me seriously outgunned.

Pete continues to fire above me, we haven't suffered a causality yet. But neither have they. I bob up again as Paul breaks cover and fire two shots in his direction. One strikes and I hear an "OW MY HEART". Not quiet the Idiocracy quote, but close enough for my purpose. Paul moves to respawn and I move up to support Pete, only to learn he's scored a kill too. We finish the magazine / pistol swap and I move out again, my .45 holstered in an attempt to warm it, a sig 226 in hand. Tony is already rushing back into the field.

I raise my broken rifle and fire off a burst. He ducks and dodges into cover. Good, they haven't discovered my handicap yet. I squeeze some more lies his way and sprint back towards the wall. Let's get him in close where I can actually do some damage. Tony obliges, bounding from tree to tree until he walks into the sights of my .226. Two rounds spin his way when the slide locks and the magazine vents all gas. Both BBs bounce harmlessly off a tree trunk and Tony responds in kind.

I retire the .226 to my drop-pouch and redraw my .45. It's freezing! My odds are dropping by the second. I drop mag and place it with the .226, drawing a fresh one, and slam it home. Tony has drawn his glock and is attempting to plink me. The glock has a burst fire capability and is much more suitable to cold combat; in fact I'm pretty sure it prefers the cold! Two rounds his direction act as brief discouragement as I begin to trade ground for time. I look back to Pete, who is firing down range in the opposite direction. This is going to be close...

Pellets ricochet off my cover. Staccato bursts of fake gunfire no longer yield panicked ducks, albeit the pistol still gets their attention. I estimate about two rounds left, assuming the cold allows the gun to function and the rounds actually leave the barrel. I take a deep breath and prepare for a blaze of glory. Glory and virgins await. With luck, a whole two rounds worth...

"Wait a sec". It's Tony. His pistol is failing to fire and he wants to call truce for repair. Man if I knew you could just do that! I join him and quickly surmise the pistol is a write-off (the fire-selector is missing). I address everyone...

Today's the day... we'll just call this a beta!

And a test-run it was labelled! A cold, malfunction laden beta, but a beta nevertheless. Our wet party re-band and begin to walk down the muddy incline. Pete and I had held our ground, won! And we'd be gracious, mostly. That said I couldn't help but nudge Tony and ask "My rifle... you know it wasn't working right...?"

Edit: I'm told Paul didn't say "Ow my heart" when double tapped. In the chest. On the heart. I remain dubious! :)

"Highest pub in the country". "One of Ireland's oldest and most famous traditional Irish pubs". I'm not sure of the truth of either claim, but where better to bring overseas visitors on their last night in this country? The pub promised a "memorable experience". This I can attest to. Shame it was far from positive...

Un-"Hooley Night"

A twisty-turny taxi journey into the hills left us at the pubs door-step brimming with positive expectations. Stepping through the door we weren't disappointed, lots of old-school bar charm in the manner I'd been brought up to. Stepping towards the counter a tasty Guinness is on my mind. An enjoyable evening is a mere 60 seconds away, all we need to do is communicate an order for drinks to the bar-staff...

You're doing it wrong

I have a lot of respect for bar-staff... and not just because I have to!!! Consequently, I will not be referring to the employees of Johnnie Fox's as bar-staff. That would be a disservice to those in that service and their admirers everywhere else. Instead I will coin a new title for those persons employed to serve alcohol to the public at Johnnie Fox's bar:

Terrible ****ing ****ty excuses for ****** who can **** my ****. *!_

To the owners of said pub, it takes a lot more than the surroundings to ensure a great user experience. For anyone looking for a more positive post, please see my comments on the fantastic Home Organics, now that's how you look after people!

Damn shame my first '11 post was negative. Onwards and upways it is!

No points for guessing what I did next...

I recently upgraded to the delightfully snappy iPhone 4 (yes, the 'antenna-gate' problem exists, but I've yet to experience it during any real-world usage). My old iPhone was immediately snapped up by a sibling who shall remain nameless but I found the need to recover some memories.

So, my old phone is gone, but I know backup is part of the iTunes sync routine. I've also chosen not to encrypt those backups. Taking a quick look at where they sit on the filesystem (~Library/Application Support/MobileSync/Backup on my trusty Mac, c:\Documents and Settings\Application Data\Apple Computer\MobileSync\Backup if you're a PC user) I raise an eyebrow and quickly figure there's got to be an app for this. Google quickly leads me to supercrazyawesome.com - the perfect tool for the job!

Those steps...

1. Grab the app and open it
2. Click 'Read Backups'
3. Pick the phone with the data you want to recover (iPhones and iPod touches that you've previously chosen to sync with your computer will appear)
4. A list of apps on that phone will appear, I was after SMS and photos so I click 'iOS Files'
5. Click the shiney 'Extract' button and choose where you'd like the files to go (I suspect 'Desktop' will be the typical destination!)
6. Twiddle thumbs (this will be brief, but some will welcome a distraction!)
7. You will find a sqllite database containing your SMS messages at Library/SMS/sms.db and your photos at Media/DCIM/100APPLE
8. Go YAY!

Respect goes to Pádraig of supercrazyawesome.com!

We're leaving Gorwan town driving down south when a brightly decorated motorcycle flashes past. "FBD Milk Ras" Dad remarks and comments on how he's seen them in Limerick and Thurles over the past few days. A bad stalking joke is made and our journey continues.

We pull into Dungarvan village (the Kilkenny county version) and are flagged down by a brightly uniformed helmet clad safety marshal, a large motorcycle to his right. We slow down and stop as the marshal walks towards the drivers door.

FBD Milk Ras, Inbound!

Leaving Dungavan involves a 90 degree turn to our right. The Safety marshal, we'll call him "Bob", has parked said large motorcycle just out of the line of sight of oncoming traffic and has wisely chosen to stop us in the same blind spot. Race participants going wide and in a hurry are in for a surprise, I think to myself before turning my attention to the conversation drivers side.

"Bob", having told us we're driving into the Carrick - Gowran leg of the FBD Milk Ras, is slowly instructing us to find somewhere to pull in up along the path of the on-coming race, and to do so quickly. As the discussion continues a red motorcycle, another safety marshal, takes the 90 degree corner at a reasonable clip...

It's worth noting at this point we're sitting in the cab of a large open back Scania truck, or a "large, white, moving wall" as a friend of mine used remark!

...the broad graceful turn of the red motorcycle is shattered, punctuated by the riders look of horror as he loses control and fishtails violently. His ride scarcely misses to our left. "Bob" continues his instruction, embracing his responsibility, oblivious to the drama. He finally finishes his prepared missive and waves us on... into the path of the race.*

"Do what the man says"

We take the turn leaving Dungarvan and note the volume of onrushing two-lane traffic on the narrow country road is growing, having to awkwardly merge to pass us. "Do what the man says" isn't sitting too well. We see a lay-by on our left less than 100 meters up the road and take aim, threading grass in an attempt to make the truck as innocuous as possible.

Four motorcycles, two of the them police, rush towards us - the cycle race is real close now. One of the Gardai indicate we should pull in and races past, a grey motorcycle closely flanking him. The truck is easily half the width of the road despite the mud furrows we're digging but there's only 50 meters to the lay-by. We get closer. 40 meters ... almost there. Traffic continues to grow, mostly motorcycles but still no sign of the race itself. We'll easily make it to the lay-by with plenty of time to spare!

The grey motorcycle overtakes us and moves up the road as the 'Milk Ras Command' vehicle passes, I can't help but find myself amused by the forced title. The grey motorcycle slows, reverses its direction and pirouettes in front of us. Less than 35 meters to the lay-by. We're forced to stop as the grey bike pulls up mere inches from our engine grill. The rider, another shiny safety marshal drops stand and walks to the drivers side of the cab. We're already over half the width of the road before he reaches the drivers door and cranes his neck into the cab ...

* and repeat!

Passing traffic intensifies as this safety marshal, we'll call him "Ted", explains in now familiar terms that a cycle race is closing in and we'll have to stay put. Objects in motion zip by on the constrained tarmac behind "Ted" as we indicate the lay-by which is just out of arms reach. "Ted" dismisses it - he's the safety officer here and he is doing this for safety dammit!

"Ted" walks to the front of the truck and ceremoniously extends his right arm into the air (in a fashion more reminiscent of the classic Lenin 'hailing a taxi' poise than Hitlers infamous salute!). Minutes pass as we shake our heads at the expense of our new found shepherd and saviour. It seems only "Ted"s mighty appendage can save us all and we marvel in the glow of this elevated preserver of life. Then traffic peaks. A swath of blurry bicycles rush into view.

Here they come ...

Our hazards and horn blare as "Ted"s right arm remains skywards. The onrushing traffic, a two-lane mix of competitive head-down cyclists and their speeding vehicle-borne support bear down on us at an impressive pace. They only have a tiny window to recognise our 'flashing noisy white wall' for the dangerous bottleneck the safety marshal has created. I kinda wish someone would shout "HOLD ... HOOOOLLLLLLDDDDDD ...."!!!

NOW!!!

Impossibly the professionals quickly merge into a single narrow lane and funnel by without being reduced to a bloody pileup. For the briefest of moments the number of wheels per yard of road is impressively dense. And like that - they're gone!

"Ted", without gesture or comment, saddles up and moves off**. We remove the truck from the ditch and continue on our own way, still shaking our heads as we pass the empty lay-by.

* We could just have easily parked up to the left, out of the way but safely in the line of sight of the oncoming race.
** His right air still skybound?

Romance*. Destined to die a slow debilitating death even in the best of circumstances. And to embrace this crushing inevitability grabaGaff.com have pushed out a delightful garment to mark the commercial embodiment of coupling. Yay!

Enjoy your February 14th fashionably, with the grabaGaff 'You Deplete Me' t-shirt.

* It should be noted that child slavery has been used in the manufacture of this product!

The future of humanity begins with a choice

After an impressive backdoor pilot, Caprica is set for our screens on the 22nd of Jan. Set 51 years before 'the fall', this Battlestar Galactica prequel charts the lives of the Greystones and the Adamas, two families polarised by the decision to create the Cylon.

The Ady Gil getting sliced by the Shonan Maru No.2. I'm not going to comment on the Whale Whores misuse of their sleek black, freshly donated, 24 meter $2.5 million "non-confrontational", "stealth" trimaran (inhales)... that would be redundant and add to the abundant free publicity they're currently drown in*.

I'm just going to briefly mention that once upon a time this vessel was known as the Earthrace and had been tasked with showcasing environmentally friendly tech by breaking the world record for circumnavigating the globe in a motorized boat (in an impressive 60 days 23 hours and 49 minutes!).

It briefly berthed beside the Sean O'Casey bridge in Dublin back in 2007 where I took the following grainy pix:

More info:

• The Earthrace site
• The Ady Gil and the rest of the Sea Shepherd 'fleet' (google cache version)
• The South Park Whale Whores episode

* I really wanted to title this post "Despite its face" ...

* Yeah, yeah!

ZERO GRAVITY TOILET PASSENGERS ARE ADVISED TO READ INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE USE:

1. The toilet is of the standard zero-gravity type. Depending on requirements, System A and/or System B can be used, details of which are clearly marked in the toilet compartment. When operating System A, depress lever and a plastic dalkron eliminator will be dispensed through the slot immediately underneath. When you have fastened the adhesive lip, attach connection marked by the large "X" outlet hose. Twist the silver coloured ring one inch below the connection point until you feel it lock.
2. The toilet is now ready for use. The Sonovac cleanser is activated by the small switch on the lip. When securing, twist the ring back to its initial-condition, so that the two orange lines meet. Disconnect. Place the dalkron eliminator in the vacuum receptacle to the rear. Activate by pressing the blue button.
3. The controls for System B are located on the opposite wall. The red release switch places the uroliminator into position; it can be adjusted manually up or down by pressing the blue manual release button. The opening is self adjusting. To secure after use, press the green button which simultaneously activates the evaporator and returns the uroliminator to its storage position.
4. You may leave the lavatory if the green exit light is on over the door. If the red light is illuminated, one of the lavatory facilities is not properly secured. Press the "Stewardess" call button on the right of the door. She will secure all facilities from her control panel outside. When green exit light goes on you may open the door and leave. Please close the door behind you.
5. To use the Sonoshower, first undress and place all your clothes in the clothes rack. Put on the velcro slippers located in the cabinet immediately below. Enter the shower. On the control panel to your upper right upon entering you will see a "Shower seal" button. Press to activate. A green light will then be illuminated immediately below. On the intensity knob select the desired setting. Now depress the Sonovac activation lever. Bathe normally.
6. The Sonovac will automatically go off after three minutes unless you activate the "Manual off" over-ride switch by flipping it up. When you are ready to leave, press the blue "Shower seal" release button. The door will open and you may leave. Please remove the velcro slippers and place them in their container.
7. If the red light above this panel is on, the toilet is in use. When the green light is illuminated you may enter. However, you must carefully follow all instructions when using the facilities during coasting (Zero G) flight. Inside there are three facilities: (1) the Sonowasher, (2) the Sonoshower, (3) the toilet. All three are designed to be used under weightless conditions. Please observe the sequence of operations for each individual facility.
8. Two modes for Sonowashing your face and hands are available, the "moist-towel" mode and the "Sonovac" ultrasonic cleaner mode. You may select either mode by moving the appropriate lever to the "Activate" position. If you choose the "moist-towel" mode, depress the indicated yellow button and withdraw item. When you have finished, discard the towel in the vacuum dispenser, holding the indicated lever in the "active" position until the green light goes on... showing that the rollers have passed the towel completely into the dispenser. If you desire an additional towel, press the yellow button and repeat the cycle.
9. If you prefer the "Sonovac" ultrasonic cleaning mode, press the indicated blue button. When the twin panels open, pull forward by rings A & B. For cleaning the hands, use in this position. Set the timer to positions 10, 20, 30 or 40... indicative of the number of seconds required. The knob to the left, just below the blue light, has three settings, low, medium or high. For normal use, the medium setting is suggested.
10. After these settings have been made, you can activate the device by switching to the "ON" position the clearly marked red switch. If during the washing operation, you wish to change the settings, place the "manual off" over-ride switch in the "OFF" position. you may now make the change and repeat the cycle.

Form following function lavatory style from the 1968 Kubrick opus '2001: A Space Odyssey'.

Depending on your numbering system and calendar of choice we've entered a new decade. Adding to the hubris that usually accompanies such events I'm going to list some things I'm looking forward to this year (screw listing for a decade, that would involve plans, and as we all know, plans are just a list of things that don't happen):

• Shipping Backpage version 3 (so close!)
• Spending time with m'lady :)
• Building danceswithfire.net
• Playing Black Mesa (source)
• Watching Caprica

But all that can wait as a hot bubbly bath beckons! Happy new year :)

During my late teens and early twenties I had a habit most didn't understand. At the time I was passionate about screen-writing and was laboring through a third full length screen play, often desperate for little moments of inspiration. The habit in question fed that need, albeit at an odd vector - I'd watch movies I hated ...

WTF?

So why watch shite when you could watch some of the myriad of classics that have enriched that medium? Dunno! Sometimes it was to understand what I didn't like, perhaps in an effort to avoid the same mistakes. Maybe it was mental self-mutilation. The movie that fed the itch most was Roland Emmerick's Independence Day, an action romp that manages to 'riff' off every successful sci-fi movie from the last sixty years. Friends still use quotes from that mess to rise my blood pressure!

And now for the main event

Enter 'Behind Enemy Lines'. This Owen Wilson / Gene Hackman vehicle about a navigator of a downed F-18 Super Hornet jogging around war torn Bosnia as he curses into tactical radios, wallows in muddy pools with decaying corpses and dodges a surprisingly small number of landmines, all the while being chased by an AWP wielding guy in a funky blue tracksuit and his large cadre of angry Serbian soldier buddies. It's said that it was loosely based on the experiences of Scott O'Grady, a US F-16 driver who got a medal for being shot down over the same country.

And what's so wrong with all of that?

I'm all for playing small dramatic conceits to maximise tension and get the viewers hearts racing. I can also tolerate goofs. But when the dramatic conceits are no longer small and are required to be goofs then my blood/rage-ahol balance gets upset!

To achieve the premise of the title, the aircraft our intrepid hero guides needs to come down. To inject some drama into that it should logically be shot down. Some fun could have been had with a cat-and-mouse overlapping SAM defense umbrella approach (guns and different classes of missiles all reaching out to touch).

But that would involve realism. Instead the writer opted to latch a pair of never-ending, fairy-tail seeking missiles which ignore regular counter-measures yet lust for fiery explosions on the ground ... Words cannot express how fucking stupid I find the reliance, by an engaged crew, on exploding drop tanks to decoy a locked SAM! After what seems like 15 minutes of dodging and weaving (boring real-life weapons could only have made a single pass) the remaining missile scores a hit. I'm going to take the special effects as an indication that the SAMs proximity fuses fired, detonating the warhead and shredding the Hornet and the still functioning rocket motor just happened to continue its path, ploughing into the stricken bird than think some 'shot-gun/rocket' combo was used...

It can only get better ...

Now grounded and having watched his pilot get executed, Owen Wilson clears a hill while a fusillade of 7.62mm, 50cal and 23mm rounds ignore the incline (and all the rock and dirt that would entail) and pass horizontally past his person. But it looks good I hear you say! Yes, yes it does, but imagine for a moment that his goal is that hill crest and his reward is temporary safety. He runs, rounds crack past, dirt is thrown up by large caliber impacts. Bullets arch closer the nearer he gets. Then there's that second of uncertainty (because it could revert back to being a show about Gene Hackman delivering righteous anger from his carrier group). But Wilson makes it, rolls over that crest and accomplishes that quick respite. A lost opportunity painted over with fantasy bullets.

The show continues, mundane encounters embiggened by explosions (most thankfully not the fire mortar variety that plagues most hollywood productions) until we reach the finale. Having defeated the AWP wielding blue tracksuit guy and triggering his long ejected seat homing beacon (had this been researched the writer would have found that the seat beacon stays with the pilot once the parachute has been deployed ... so we'll mark it as another conceit) our hero waits for his demise at the hands of the amassing Serb armor.

The reaper's scythe appears to be dropping until a trio of Bell 212 helicopters in Marine Corps livery ascend from their cliff face cover and quickly engage. Yes. Two transport helicopters carrying bolt-on weapons spitting 5.56 minigun fire and FFAR rockets go barrel to barrel with a Soviet era light armor unit. No concealment, no cover, no clever tactics. A real life response from the ground forces would have cleared the skies in less than a minute. Yet through all the bullet impacts and exploding snow our fallen hero finds sanctuary hanging off a rope from the third helicopter and they all fly into the sunset.

Yes. I'm not even commenting on the stupid 'grab the rope from the helicopter' moment.

All bad?

There were a number of things from the production I rather enjoyed. Kudos to the boys behind the explosions - pretty damn realistic! The camera work and lighting were fantastic (not being sarcastic here, the style reminded me of 'Children of Men', and that's a good thing). The jarring slow motion takes almost work, they're sooo close but they're missing something I can't quite put my fingers on...

Fall out

Boy scout action hero / former F-16 crasher Scott O'Grady would later sue the makers of the movie claiming he didn't swear as much as the Owen Wilson character and never disobeyed orders. Bless! Someone really really should have told him that the movie was more a remake of Gene Hackman's BAT-21 than an action laced re-imagining of his sorry tale.

Added to the list

So what have I taken from this? Well, for starters, Behind Enemy Lines gets added to my "I hate you and want to understand why" list. I'm also going to want to rewatch BAT-21 and take in some of Gene Hackman's older works. And I'm going to have to see Owen Wilson in a more redeeming role. Maybe something with puppies...

Some backplot: I'm writing the manual and API documentation for the latest version of the Backpage CMS at the moment and had chosen to take the semi stylistic approach of hanging reasonably related quotes off the introductory headings of the major sections.

"Adds character" I thought! Might even be interesting! So mind digging I went! As one of the ideas of the new BackPage is to make life a little freer for the web publisher, one of the first things to spring to mind was a JFK quote stating the ancient Greeks defined happiness as ...

"the exercise of vital powers along lines of excellence in a life affording scope"
- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Fantastic! If you've used many (any?) CMS you may have found you've quickly become suffocated by any number of artificial constrictions that slow or stop what you're trying to achieve, despite having the design or tech prowess to pull it off. That pattern had bothered me in several products I've used (including my own) so I fixed it, kinda. And wanted to share that, in documentation, in a manner that quoted the 35^th president of the United States.

Looking closelier ...

The exact quote eluded me, and I wanted to be precise (quoting the late, great JFK deserves as much) so I googled it. Quickly picking thought the results I came across the following page http://stephenfrug.blogspot.com/2007/07/happiness-is-exercise-of-vital-powers.html. Great read... but it turns out the quote originated from a 1930s book and not from the likes of Agathias, Aristotle or even good old Zosimas!! Uh-oh!

While I'd never considered the accuracy of the quote (you can beat me for that later, I just really liked the image) I was pretty surprised at its youth. Then came a massive surprise ...

"May you live in interesting times"

Is not an old Chinese saying! It's not even that old!! I may be painting myself in an ignorant light here, but I really did think this was an old Chinese saying, not some fecking line from some 1950s sci-fi novel that was popularised by ANOTHER of the Kennedys speeches (go ROBBIE!). Which has left me wondering what else was just pulled out of the hat, draped in an artificial history and passed off as proverb.

I guess the truth will set you free ...

(I wonder if there's any truth in that...)

Keep low, keep quiet. Let them come for you. Cover your mates and they'll cover you. Remember your areas of responsibility and call your targets. And remember - short, controlled bursts!

I'm in a shallow trench, a CQB specialised shortened M-4 carbine wedded to a silencer cradled in my arms. Kev is squatted beside me, a para version of the G-3 rifle held close. He checks and rechecks his magazine and quietly mentions he's worried about ammunition feed. Time will tell.

Behind, above and to the right of us Baz and Gav are prone behind a slight incline providing overwatch. Baz is exposed - his M-16 purposely poised down-range. Gav keeps low, his SCAR prepared to be a nasty little surprise for the red force when the time comes. Baz, Gav and I can share magazines, Kev isn't so lucky.

The plan is pretty simple. We've found a natural choke point - the red team have to pass to the left or right of us if they wish to achieve their objective. Both directions of advance are split by a briar hedge, intersected by the trench Kev and I are squatting, allowing us to engage targets on each side. Baz and Gav have a clear line of sight up the right approach, and can support Kev and I if the reds get too close on the left. We can do likewise should anything unexpected happen to the right. Deflide is provided by a tree borne sniper wielding an Accuracy International L96A1 about 100 metres to our rear. We know they'll come to us, all we have to do is wait.

Inbound

I'm watching a very serious looking 4-man squad advance to my left, lots of olive drab and grenade launchers slung under Ak-47s when I hear a series of clicks coming from Baz. We have many reds inbound on the right hand side. "About 20" Kev whispers. I check my pouches, four secured large pouches means I have 5 full rifle magazines to play it. I pat my backup piece, a Sig 226 fastened to my lower abdomen with 3 spare clips. I toggle my red-dot sight. We agree to stay concealed for 30 seconds after Baz starts to fire... figuring this will maximise surprise.

Target rich environment

Then the firing starts. Staccato bursts towards and away from us. One mississippi, two mississippi... We start to see rounds hit around Bazs position as he punches out round after round. Gav comes online and quickly empties his first clip. Kev and I have no idea how diminished the reds numbers are. Twelve mississippi ... thirteen mississippi ... Baz's gun gives an empty click. Close enough!

The reds are rushing forward to swamp our two reloading comrades when Kev and I break cover ...

Shouldered rifles spit fire. One, two, three bad guys begin to fall. The reds have been caught off axis and desperate to turn and return fire. Our guns click dry and we duck to reload as Baz and Gav resume pushing fire downrange. Any red caught in the kill zone is quickly taken out. My element stands up to see 7 of the initial 20 retreat. Our 4 man group had just trumped 5 to 1 odds!

Reach out and touch

I stow my silencer (I find it lengthens the gun unnecessarily, especially in the confines of our little trench) and slam in a fresh magazine, all the while making sure I leave the used magazine pouch cover loose to differentiate it from the more useful full ones. Kev begins the laborious process of filling his clip 1 round at a time. I turn my attention to our left flank. Two of the four man group I'd noticed earlier are under fire from a building further up the battlespace. I draw a bead on my team mates assailant and fire a burst.

The first round clips the sniping reds cover, the second and third pass harmlessly over his shoulder. The attacker reacts, looking around to find the source of the impacts, fails to spot me and continues his attack. I sight in and try again, firing a long burst across the reds position. Two rounds fall short, a further four hit their mark and the target goes down. That's eleven I giggle to myself, despite promising I wouldn't keep count. I get a thumbs up from my teammates for the effort as they rush forward. Then I hear a long report from my 3 o'clock.

Kev stands high, his weapon still locked on his victim, a heavily camouflaged red team member who'd managed to get danger close. Not that it matters anymore! My two elements look around ... no enemies in sight. Baz joins us in our trench and suggests we advance. Kev and Gav volunteer to hold the line while Baz takes point and we begin to move forward.

Oscar Mike

We sprint from covering position to covering position, taking turns in an aggressive bounding overwatch. Baz disappears past a building to my right as I wait for his call, all the while scanning for contacts. Too many seconds have past when a tango sprints left from the same building. I lead as best I can and squeeze the trigger, my first burst trailing right and high off the sprinting target. I drop to a knee and line up for a second shot as the tango raises his rifle in my direction. My second burst misses, as does his response.

Then something odd happened. The red drops his rifle and draws his pistol, a colt .45. Another two bursts brush past him as he adopts the weaver stance and returns fire. His first round passes by my head as burst after burst misses him. I'm running out of ammo and he's got me bracketed, time to think about moving! Another round passes just off my rifle. Suddenly behind the building to my right seems like a better place to be. Another round flies between my legs, it's no secret where the next will land. I fire a long wild burst and begin to move for cover when a long punishing burst of fire pour over my aggressor and he goes down.

"I got ya Bro!" Baz yells, grinning from ear to ear!

We regroup and move back towards our choke point, that happy little home from home on this battlefield. Gav and Kev are still in-situ, Kev shares a salute, still tinkering with his faulty mag. All our little four man team have made it this far! Baz suggests we repeat our advance and I slide a full clip in-place in response.

Enfilade

It all happened very quickly. Baz and I are concentrating on advance, looking for immediate threats to our 12 o'clock. Kev and Gav are fiddling with the misbehaving G-3 magazine. No-one had noticed the camouflaged red who'd burrowed his way up our right flank. Gav and Kev are shot at point blank range, Baz and I follow an instant later. Four single shots in quick succession, four quick kills. Oswald was a fag!*

Walking wounded

What a great day! Websters dictionary defines airsoft as 'The word you've entered isn't in the dictionary. Click on a spelling suggestion below or try again using the search bar above'. A more useful response would have been 'Airsoft is a team based sport like paintball where replica firearms which shoot 6mm plastic balls are used in simulated, skirmish based combat scenarios'. And it's a hell of a lot of fun!

The yearn above is from my second skirmish, an event that I fondly recount over beers from time to time. The game rewards team play, brains and an eye for terrain as much as accuracy and physical fitness.

More airsoft info

• Irish airsoft association
• HRTA - the battlespace illustrated above

* McManus preparing to snipe in the fantastic 'The Usual Suspects'

In the beginning there was light... or dark... or something...  it's been a while since I've read genesis. Not that the bible version of the birth of everything matters in this particular case... but beginnings are the kernel of this post, so I'll continue.

The first web team I worked with was under the brand of HorizonDM, a small but ballsy 4 man group based in Clonmel. I was last to join the team, my work on the McCarthys hotel website and a connection with Fachtna Roe giving me the illusive 'in'.

Horizon Digital Media

It's early 1999. The internet is nothing but promise, the .com crash that would introduce so much doubt still some way off. And Ireland was trying to catch up as businesses of all size begin to scramble to get a web presence (understanding why would only come many years later). And HorizonDM was more than willing to help them out, for a fee!

The office

Or the sitting room, depending on you lust for accurate definition. Things certainly did start off small, with a handful of computers (including my Amiga 4000) and a network so high tech that passing packets involved flinging floppy disks at one another!

This soon grew to a peer-peer networked ring of monsters hooked to a pretty intimidating wall of monitors as machines and multiple graphics cards were added. Just in time for Half life deathmatch!

The tech (1999 style)

Our sites would start out as flat html sites, maybe with a perl form to mail script, but that quickly changed when we discovered a perl based news management system called Newspro. We quickly saw the potential of offering clients the ability to maintain their own websites and quickly hacked together a basic content management system using a crazy mixture of perl on the backend for the content management area and an iHTML backed frontend.

iHTML was/is a coldfusion like scripting language that was incredibly fast when compared to early versions of Microsofts active server pages, more info at iHTML.com.

The clients

We started off pretty lucky, with MouseMorris.com and a number of smaller but reliable clients. We were all about process, in the most holistic of senses. Each piece of work was a newborn and treated as such. Sometimes it didn't work but for the most part it did, with sites like freshfilmfestival.com, itcsu.com and the revised McCarthys website getting massive amounts of praise.

My favourite win of the time was Clonmel.ie. Originally a Clonmel Chamber of Commerce lead initiative build by Aardvark in Cork, the site was up for redevelopment and the local County Council stepped in to help. If you're imagining the generous application of red tape right now you're on the right path!

I guess I should give a sense in why I was interested in getting this project before I continue (as it wasn't going to be a high payer or a prestige site). Prior to joining HorizonDM I had started work on a project I called 'portal'. It was a simple idea, an information portal restricted to a reasonably tight geographical area (a town or city) that presented news and other information deemed useful. A site like this would sprawl quickly, so lots of thought went into maintenance, information architecture and search, a framework was created accordingly.

Back to the Clonmel.ie process. A series of pretty intense meeting would ensue, with a number of other local web designers and Eircom's Nua backed local.ie all pitching for direction and ownership. I have to admit I found the experience kinda amusing, the term 'stacking kittens in a corner' comes to mind as egos and agendas brushed and bruised. A process of elimination whose rules I don't understand to this day would eventually reward HorizonDM with the contract. We successfully rolled out the CMS backed client managed system in 2000, but I don't recall if there was wine or cheese at the launch... I must enquire!

I would go on to support clonmel.ie (with periodic design realignments and training free of charge) for almost 7 years, but despite the efforts of many people it sadly never fulfilled the promise of 'portal'.

We also endured what would become many of the classic client tales, like the irate client ringing late on a Sunday night demanding why they're not getting any email (they hadn't connected to their ISP) or endless questions about not being listed first in Altavista for the word 'free'. But these were the small niggles of being at the crest of a wave.

The tech (2k style)

Enter the WAP hype. Dubbed the 'Matrix phone' by those who don't pay attention, the Nokia 7110 was a stylish, first of breed 'smart phone' whose main selling point was the ability to surf WAP sites. Both of them.

(c)WAP?

Wireless Access Protocol. Hyped as the "internet in your pocket", this strict xhtml-ish greyscale nightmare should be recognised as a failure well before birth. But the advertising machine pushed it as 'the future' and people got excited. And where there's excitement there's money.

Not wanting to be left in the dust we extended our CMS to include support for WAP (having become all excited about getting accepted by Nokias very open developer program) and sought funding to move it forward. After a number of dry meetings involving budgets, projections, target markets and other 'pull it out of your ass and hope it looks kinda sane' number collections & colourful arching charts, said funding was granted. The future looked damn bright ...

All good things...

I left HorizonDM in early 2000 for reasons I'd eventually come to regret, but I maintain that I was young and needed the money! I continue to remember the good times fondly and the hard won lessons aid me to this very day.

It's well known that designers & developers (or any creative individual involved in a client driven endeavor) need to have a pretty thick skin. But said skin can take its own sweet time growing ...

Fond memories

Back in the pre-bust dot.com days a web company I worked for was commissioned to start development on a website for a theater group. It was an exciting project involving enthusiastic photo shoots, excited interviews and a killer brief featuring words like 'dynamic', 'energetic', and 'edgy'... I guess it was before the days of 'easy to use' and 'must come first in google'. It was pretty damn exhilarating!

One dynamic, energetic, edgy website required. Now!

I was charged with the design, having shadowed James during the interviews & dutifully carried tripods during Cro's camera shoots. Armed with the latest tools of the day (paintshop pro, SSI and notepad!) I got to work.

The design would become a labor of love incorporating many techniques I've never dared to attempt on a commercial project while throwing restraint to the wind and forgetting about bandwidth constraints or anything before Internet Explorer 5 (weeks old at the time). You know, a poor man's 'boo.com'!

After plenty of internal debate and the resulting tweaks we decided to make a small presentation to the client. We stood there proudly, the spec we'd made manifest digitally firmly in hand. The modem chirped its tones and slowly the demo site homepage began to res-in. We beamed as the clients eyes slowly widened. The rest went something like this...

Client
I don't like it

Me
Really? Errr... ok? Which part
in particular don't you like?

Client
All of it.

The brief is in my hand, complete with exaggerated permanent marker ticks boldly dashed against each of the closely liaised 'strategic vision statements'... mocking me. We'd ticked all the boxes, while thinking outside the box establishing new paradigms. We'd dared to explore new ground and push the envelope. We'd fallen over the edge god-dammit! And now this person looks on at our flickering newborn marvel in the manner of a dog being shown a card trick! Or a complicated mathematical formula! Which ever demonstrates the most indifference. Surely reason and confidence in our wealth of experience will win the day?

Me
Ah but it uses all the latest ...

Client
I just don't like it. Is this going
to affect the launch date? We
need a better web page
launched immediately.
Something good.

I was gutted. Deeply disappointed. Demoralised. Drained. And burdened by an unrealised deadline...

The void between bursts...

Circa 2am that night I found myself staring blankly at a Gateway 400mhz P2, completely devoid of inspiration or the will to seek some out. An analogue clock steadily ticked off the seconds to deadline. The CD soundtrack to 'The Matrix' lay on the table in front of me. It had already been listened to death, but I'd never browsed the cover art. Indifference and boredom eventually win me over and I take a peek.

The inlay is the usual fare, with a series of still images from exciting scenes (with some curious choices considering it's a flick with ample gunplay and figure hugging black PVC). But it was how the images were divided that started my synapses firing.

A simple curving division of a stunning central image with a support cast of exciting thumbnails... it stirred various creative juices and my fingers began to dance. The result was a more conventional website that embraced then-current traditional (offline === traditional, right?) design trends, splashed a few controversial tags around (meta-refresh & the unholy frame tag) with lots and lots of black.

The client loved it! The launch (you could tell it was a web-site launch on account of the wine and cheese) was a complete success and bagged us a number of interesting clients.

Ultimately it added that very first layer of thickened skin*. And, for the record, I've never owned an analogue clock since...

And that site was?

DyDxTheatre.com - reproduced here in all it's 10 year old meta redirect and frame based glory. The site suffers from the usual age related illnesses of pop-up windows (the required resize failing in some modern browsers), a broken perl based news content management system and various other problems. But gee-gosh the memories!

Kudos go to Cro and Jim, I'm popping together a closer look at our HorizonDM days for my next 'Dusty' related post.

* Disclaimer: skin thickness may vary.

Web development. Typically the application of generous amounts of skill, intellect and time into the manufacture of transient, commodity, 'pages'. Sadly, unlike a great work of literature or an enduring piece of cinema, web sites do not stand the test of time. "Internet time" corrodes even the best at an alarming rate leaving legacy, something to be cherished in almost every other industry, a striking and jarring liability.

Embarrassed by ones past...

As any industry or endeavor grows, missteps are to be expected. Directions become dead-ends and good intentions become fouled by stinking reality. But it's not always bad!

During the recent decommissioning of a pretty old web hosting account I came across some ancient gems. Long forgotten websites that I'd held dear 10 years ago. After a hearty laugh I decided to share ...

Deziddon.com (version 3)

(re)Introducing the third iteration of my personal website ...

A small, simple website with an odd navigation scheme built prior to my HorizonDM days. It was also the last version of my site that featured the controversial school magazine cover that caused so much hardship many moons ago. Among the giggle worthy items are a twitter like news stream, a mailing list sign-up and the good old fashioned guest book!

Disclaimer

Old deziddon.com is presented "as-was". Nothing has been rewritten which means it may not display in your browser of choice (but it still looks as originally intended in Safari and Firefox!). Links may not work and all the perl stuff definitely won't work!

A couple of the stranger pix that ended up in my camera roll...

Disclaimer: image resizing and the obfuscation of car number plates are the only post-processing effects used above. The 'curvy pavement' effect was created by rotating my iPhone as the pic was being taken... the result looked 'odd' so it's included! =D

A delightful day of data backups and archiving. Fun! But as I watched progress meters slowly crawl eastwards I decided to have a peek through old backups. During the trawl I came across an ancient version of deziddon.com (the 2001 incarnation, when it became CMS backed).

While giggling at old pix I stumbled upon levels and a face addon I'd created for Operation Flashpoint. Some levels were simple 'holding action' missions where a small squad would need to hold a position while waves of red forces attacked. Others started as simple 'lone-wolf' missions that would blossom into squad based actions. And of course there was the obligatory 'Flight of the Valkyries' village beach assault.

Some screens (pardon the quality!)

Grab the files

• Mission: Goisse convoy
• Mission: Spec Ops
• Addon: Faces (Adds me to Operation Flashpoint for head-shooting purposes)

I've been building websites of all shapes and sizes since the 'simpler times' of 1997. During that time I've dished out advice and helped build strategies to introduce countless websites to the world, but rarely do I get the opportunity to participate on longer term audience building due to the sadly transient nature of contracting. I continue to keep my eyes out for 'better practices' to share with clients to help them once they're feet are on the ground.

I've lately been made aware that I'm actually a repeat customer of a great example. My sexy grammar nazi signed us up for a weekly delivery of a bag (or occasionally a crate) of organic vegetables. So what? Bear with me for just a moment...

In praise of Home Organics

I'm not going to get into the pros and cons of irradiated veggies, added cost or carcinogenic mold that surround the whole organic food thing because, as a member of the Homer Simpson 'food goes in here' school of thought, I haven't a clue! However I can recognise great service when I get it.

Once a week I'll wander downstairs and swap wrinkled notes for a bag of veg with an always helpful and damn-right friendly member of the home organics team. At times when I can't make it for some random reason, they'll arrange alternatives. No fuss, no hassle.

So that's the human touch down to a tee, onto to their web presence. Please note, I'm steering clear of technical and performance aspects in this post and will be sticking with added value to the customer. So in addition to no hassle home delivered veggies, the home organics team regularly publish recipes based on the contents of that weeks bags. Nice touch. This info is then spread by their blog and the inevitable Twitter stream, where, should they wish, clients can share their personal experiences and give feedback.

So I guess, if I were to bullet point all this, I'd say Home Organics are convenient, personable and damn helpful - what more could you want?

Home organics on the web:

• Homeorganics.ie
  
• Home organics blog (recipes a plenty!)
• Follow Home organics on Twitter

Disclosure: I'm in no way affiliated with Home Organics or the developers who built their web presence. I'm just a satisfied customer who is of the opinion that satisfied customers should share their good experiences more often.

UK.gov finally issue an apology for their treatment of pivotal WW2 code breaker Alan Turing

Turing was a quite brilliant mathematician, most famous for his work on breaking the German Enigma codes. It is no exaggeration to say that, without his outstanding contribution, the history of World War Two could well have been very different. He truly was one of those individuals we can point to whose unique contribution helped to turn the tide of war. The debt of gratitude he is owed makes it all the more horrifying, therefore, that he was treated so inhumanely.

In 1952, he was convicted of gross indecency - in effect, tried for being gay. His sentence - and he was faced with the miserable choice of this or prison - was chemical castration by a series of injections of female hormones. He took his own life just two years later.

Thousands of people have come together to demand justice for Alan Turing and recognition of the appalling way he was treated. While Turing was dealt with under the law of the time and we cant put the clock back, his treatment was of course utterly unfair and I am pleased to have the chance to say how deeply sorry I and we all are for what happened to him. Alan and the many thousands of other gay men who were convicted as he was convicted under homophobic laws were treated terribly.

So on behalf of the British government, and all those who live freely thanks to Alans work I am very proud to say: we're sorry, you deserved so much better.

A little about Alan Turing

• 10 Downing Street statement (55 years too late)
• The Alan Turing homepage
• Alan Turing on Wikipedia

The CF-18 Hornet (a Canadian derivative of the McDonnell Douglas F/A-18) is a multi-role fighter capable of attacking targets in the air and on the ground (or interdiction, close air support, air defense, interception & reconnaissance for the more technically minded).

In service with the Canadian Forces since 1982, the aircraft initially helped fill Canada's role in NORAD & NATO. They also participated in operation Desert Storm and the NATO peacekeeping actions during the 1998 Kosovo conflict.

And that little touch is ... ?

Take a close look at the picture below... 

The left most fighter demonstrates the CF-18 from above, please take note of the cockpit. Now briefly imagine you're a fighter pilot from some random aggressor state hell bent on punishing Canada for freedom, or corn, or whatever. You're engaged in an intense, close-in, confused, high-g melee with the Canadian jet. In the bucking and banking you line up for a gun shot... but is that Hornet pulling into you or is it maneuvering away ...

The right most fighter in the picture above is a CF-18 inverted. The same aircraft, just seen from below. The dark patch towards the front of the aircraft is mere paint, shaped as a 2D "dummy" canopy. In the stressed scenario illustrated above, it's easy to imagine the confusion a dogfighting opponent might feel as to the orientation of his Canadian foe by this simple little touch.

The "dummy" canopy technique has since been adopted by the F/A-18s of the US Marine Corps and the Spanish air force.

Semi Related:

Those of you who enjoy factual documentaries about combat aircraft and the non-scripted humiliating torture that is every 'big-brother' style reality tv-show, will no doubt enjoy Jetstream - a Discovery channel show that manages to take the worst from both genres as it chronicles the lives of young pilots attempting to make the cut as CF-18 jocks. 

Have you seen this man? (the taller one ...)

If you have seen this man and know his whereabouts please contact me at stopbeing@deziddon.com. Alternatively, send smoke signals using the PULSE ONE OH ONE pattern, I'll respond with the ancient Navajo Indian "Cheers buddy" signal.

A series of standalone projects I've produced over the years:

• Backpage ^{(2001 - present)}
  Low footprint, W3C compliant, search engine friendly web based content management system. Developed in response to a government specification, this CMS has been found underpinning e.commerce websites, web brochures, blogs, intranets, extranets and this very website ... find out more on backpagecms.net.
  
  
• hREAD ^{(2008 - present)}
  Born out of the need to collect research information while working across a number of different computers during an 'under the radar' development sprint, this private bookmarking site features powerful tagging, document caching, search and a unique bookmarklet ... sign up at hRead.net.
  
  
• MkiScript ^{(2008 - present)}
  Just another javascript library (JAJL)! This tiny (3k minified) extensible javascript library handles simple element gathering, XHR, and basic animation. Did I mention it's 3k minified? ... more MkiScript details here.
  

Also rans:

• FixMail ⁽²⁰⁰⁸⁾
  PwC intranet application designed to reduce email related errors while reducing a task that formerly took almost two days into an excuse for a 20 minute teabreak!
  
  
• Sesame ⁽²⁰⁰⁶⁾
  Website mapping / reporting / prototyping / export tool developed to ease the 2006 realignment of PwC Irelands website. (Fun fact: step one in the documentation was titled 'Open sesame' ...).
  
  
• BpChat ⁽²⁰⁰⁵⁾
  AJAX chat application with many IRC-esque features.
  
  
• BpGallery ⁽²⁰⁰⁴⁾
  MooFX powered Ajax gallery applications featuring transitional effects, taggings, search, user commenting and RSS feeds. And pictures...!
  
  
• Portal ⁽²⁰⁰²⁾
  Pre-RSS auto syndication / publishing platform developed for ie.gov.
  
  
• Unicorn ⁽²⁰⁰²⁾
  Real estate management software.
  
  
• PressMail ⁽²⁰⁰²⁾
  Mailing list management system developed for ie.gov.
  
  
• Copernicus ⁽²⁰⁰¹⁾
  Call centre booking software with Ajax UI.
  
  
• NewsProCMS ⁽¹⁹⁹⁹⁾
  Content management adapatation of a popular 'news' publishing system. (The modern equivalent would be the various CMS mods for WordPress). Some thoughts are shared in the HorizonDm 'Dusty' blog post.
  
  

Showbiz gossip mag Variety has published news of yet another Battlestar Galactica project, this time journeying for the big screen. Usual Suspects helm (and 'House M.D.' exec producer) Bryan Singer is set to fill the directors chair while Glen A.Larson, the original 1978 show creator, will fill producers shoes. But wait a sec... this all sounds so familiar...

All of this has happened before ... kinda ...

Way back in Feb 2001 Variety announced that Singer and Tom DeSanto (a gent responsible for getting the big-screen X-Men and Transformers projects off the ground) were developing a new TV series that would continue the spirit and story lines of the 1978 show, ignoring the Galactica:1980 timeline and picking up the story a generation later. Glen A.Larson would join as a 'consulting producer' to make sure this new vision would stay true to his original.

Scuttlebutt has it that the Colonials had abandoned their hunt for Earth and turned an asteroid field into their home. Adama is long dead, Apollo is considered KIA and Boxey is fleet commander (!). Hard drinking, cigar smoking, womanising Starbuck is second in command, with Dirk Benedict returning to the role. Confident their old foe no longer pursue, the decadently happy Colonials have left the Galactica to rot... Who doesn't see where this is going?

The Cylon were to get a much needed reboot, the shiny lumbering bullet magnets of old being replaced by faster, leaner models. They were also to get a little 'Borg', assimilating the remaining survivors on the fallen 12 Colonies into their ranks.

Richard Hatch, Herb Jefferson, Anne Lockhart, Laurette Spang, Terry Carter, Patrick Macnee and Noah Hathaway were to join Dirk Benedict from the original series. Production developed rapidly, sets were being built, FX houses contracted, a show bible written, stories arched and Fox primed to air the premier.

Then 'The Towers' fell

After 9/11 all production and development halted. The resulting delays forced Bryan Singer to abandon the project and move on to the second X-Men movie. With Singer gone DeSanto cast around for a big name to fill his shoes but came up empty. Frustrated by the delay Fox moved on to develop a 'space show' of their own, Joss Whedon's excellent FireFly (they'd go on to screw that up all by themselves). The Singer / DeSanto project floundered. But all was not lost...

Unknown to DeSanto, his backers, Studios USA, decided they wanted to continue the Battlestar Galactica project, but with a different creative team. The ball was to land in David Eick and Ronald D.Moores laps. Moore elected to drop any prior baggage and concentrate on the kernel, the story of a handful of genocide survivors in search of a new home. They'd shoot this new show in a pseudo documentary style that Moore dubbed 'naturalistic science fiction'.

Critically and commercially it worked, reinventing a flagging genre. It's been said that this was much to Glen A.Larsons chagrin. 

All of this will happen again ... kinda ...

Singer has promised "a complete reimagination", a step away from the recently wrapped Moore vision and the '78 original. As the two were diametric opposites that only leaves that fine line down the middle. But Singer is a fine director and has sensitively and sensibly handled any material he's been given (*cough* excluding Superman *cough*).

That and I'm silently praying he brings Chris McQuarrie onboard to write the screenplay. Their work on The Usual Suspects and Valkyrie was fantastic ... sure McQuarrie is penning the next Wolverine movie, but this is the man who wrote Way of the Gun in FIVE DAYS!!

Elsewhere

A pair of Ron D.Moore pilots have landed in the shape of Caprica and Virtuality. If you like smart TV check them out!

Picture the scene; a languishing late night conversation, a slew of topics covered, a friendly but challenging rapport established and a multitude of topics covered. Time to hit the hay you might think, but then the topic focuses on death... or more-so on the 'life' after.

All the usuals one might expect are thrown into the mix ... hell, purgatory, resurrection, reincarnation and heaven (in all its variants). Then this remarkable personal belief was shared with us...

Preparing for the afterlife...

Ancient Egyptians spent their entire lives preparing for better things after their demise. Early Christianity went on to emulate this and the concept has been mainstream ever since. The conversation of the night expanded on this idea. Bear with me for a moment and imagine that, in death, our corporeal forms are left behind. What remains we'll call a spirit or soul.

Rather than being spirited (ahem!) to another 'dimension' for an eternity of bliss or torture or whatever, the soul remains in the world we know, in a state the living around it cannot perceive. Souls can move around freely but have no ability to interact or communicate with anyone/thing, the remainder of all time is left merely spectating. A special hell? Perhaps...

Here's where my interest peaked. It was then suggested that, like the ancient Egyptians, modern man has been preparing for this afterlife all their lives... but we just don't recognise the ritual. Our modern 'book of the dead' is the 'TV guide' and our practice for an eternity of non-interactivity are our periods on the couch watching the idiot box...

A horrible thought...

Back from the dead...

Watching TV today, unknowingly preparing for the afterlife, I heard a deep rumbling. It was growing louder and louder and my first instinct was 'helicopter'. I jumped up to take a peek as my brain yelled "That's not a turbine, it's pistons - what aircraft uses pistons anymore!". Reaching the window, eyes skywards I see nothing. But the noise is peaking... and below me. I look down onto a DMC DeLorean!

NICE!

Easy come ... easy go!

Names, locations & company names withheld to compliment the ever boring battle with HR!

A number of baby kittens were injured in the production of these images...

All shots are poorly composed, un-processed and suffer from depth of field problems - a raw "warts and all" naturalistic approach if you will! Send abuse to the usual address =D

A Nationwide look at grabaGAFF.com circa 2006. Laugh, cry, throw farm fresh fruit!

If you're a student gawking for accommodation give the site a peek at grabaGaff.com.

An unreported activity during my blogging hiatus has been watching. Not in a pervy voyeuristic fashion. No - more in an ergonomic, usability, user experience kinda way. I've found it fascinating and it's changing how I build things.

Speaking of things I've built but haven't shared...

hRead is all about browser independent bookmarking. Sure del.icio.us does that perfectly, but I wanted private bookmarks - web2.0 isn't all about sharing! I also wanted to snapshot pages I bookmarked. And I was curious about fuzzy search techniques. And document relationships. And spidering.

So I bent these needs into a tool and gave it a daft name! Some time and thought was put into a more practical bookmarklet, letting you 'tag and bag' a page without leaving it - going back to anything else is painful! Ironically, for a tool built for privacy, I'm sharing it...

A tool written to support a 'banner-banter' post for grabaGAFF.com, mirrorED simple flips your text (in an easy peasie upside downey texty turnie kinda way!). Confuse your boss, annoy your friend etc! Rendered in HTML5 and supports most of the A-Grade browsers (curse your text handling IE6!). Not a cure for cancer, but amusing nevertheless and a great giggle to write!

A need to experiment with user interface ideas and the Twitter API, with only the resources of a buddy who sends amusing texts daily and a curiosity about the shelf life of certain hot topics. Still pre-alpha, but growing. Slowly.

But wait, there's more!

Time has also been spent redeveloping the Backpage content management system and the MkiScript javascript library. But those are posts for another day.

Almost two years since my fingers danced over a keyboard for this site. Quite a while! During the "quiet time" I've silently watched. Observed things. Things I didn't like. The social media phenomenon exploded, while I cringed, succumbed & created user profiles anyway. Watchmen got a cinematic makeover, which seemed to completely miss the point of the fantastic graphic novel. We bleary eyed watched the Battlestar Galactica sail into the sun. Oh, and the economy tanked, but who needs reminding?

Enough of the bad!

Happier things have happened during the void! Video on the web went really mainstream - the medium that got me into computers in the first place is now firmly entrenched on my favorite platform. And with the advent of HTML5 the web is embracing a plugin free awakening! Awesome!

Sadly almost everything else has been work...

So what have I been up to?

• MkiScript
• Backpage3.0
• hRead.net
  
• Sexy survey engine thingy (SSET)
• respondber.ie
• KweeK
• grabaGAFF version3 (find some accommodation students!)
  
• pfq.ie
• navona.ee
• My own portfolio
• brianlanigan.com
• 2Soon.net
• MirrorEd
• Having loads of fun with HTML5, the VIDEO tag and javascript
  
• Loads of work for these people and
  
• ... some odd work for some other fine people...!

And sleep. Just a little sleep ...

Itsy-bitsey, teenie tiny, javascript library

Another javascript library? Really? C'mon! We already have the fantastic jQuery, Prototype, exJs, YUI and mooTools libraries. They're great! They do EVERYTHING and are battle tried and tested. Do we really need another one?

Course not, but I wrote one anyway!

All the above libraries are great - but they're on the chunky side size wise (and bootstrapping seems a HTTP request too far). Sure CDN distribution will render this crib a moot issue in time, but right now I need something small and quick over the wire. Inspired by the folks behind Prototype, I got to work.

MkiScript

Depending on your work environment, this is pronounced 'Mark i Script' for those in a corporate environment, or 'MonkeyScript' for the crazy rockstar ninja developers who don't care about 'nuthin!

Either way its task is simple: to provide a quick 'n easy way of grabbing DOM elements and doing simple tasks or simple transitional effects with them. All in a 3k (minified) package!

I'm scribbling an API and documentation and all the examples in the world - to be published in time...

MkiScript in action:

• grabaGAFF.com
• brianlanigan.com
• deziddon.com/portfolio
• Backpage3.0
  

Looking a little closer at the glue of things

When is the last time you considered the ampersand?

Never? For shame on you! Let's take a little time and examine this omnipresent phenomenon together.

&

You look unimpressed.

In fact I can see you shrugging and taking a 'so-what' stance. Bare with me for a moment, this is actually going somewhere. Let's take a closer look...

&

Can you see? Grasp the fundamental properties this icon imbues. Being closelier means more than it being slight larger; it also becomes slightly closer. Study it! Feel it! The meaning! The Lines! Understand it! Appreciate it! Now take a deep breath and look closelier:

&

Can you see? Yes... you're following now aren't you? You've grasped it demure, infectious qualities. Its capabilities! Its meaning! Its effect! You can feel its warm, reassuring mental grasp. You're almost ready. Now lets look even more closelier...

&

Yes! YESSSSSSS! Welcome!

Welcome to work related madness. Have a nice day.